Preview: Arsenal vs. Bolton Wanderers

So…injuries, then.

We all know the story by now – Walcott out until Christmas, van Persie out until the sun goes nova, the recent news that the Verminator will miss this match as well. It amazes me at this point that we freak out when these injuries happen. Seriously? You’re an Arsenal supporter and you’re not used to this by now?

At the end of the day, there is enough depth in the squad now where even in a mini-crisis such as this, the team should have enough weapons to see off mid-table shite like Bolton at Ashburton Grove. Besides, it’s not like Bolton don’t have their own problems right now. First and foremost, Jussi Jaaskelainen is serving the first match of his three-game suspension for violent conduct (that said, please don’t get started on how his slap-like-a-girl foul warrants the same suspension as a fucking thug like Ryan Shawcross shattering Aaron Ramsey’s leg), and will be deputized by Adam Bodgan. From the admittedly-little I’ve seen of the young Hungarian, he’s dodgy as fuck AND he looks like Richie Cunningham from Happy Days. Gavin McCann and Sean Davis also miss out due to injury, while Ivan Klasnic faces a late fitness test.

Arsenal will have to depend on Marouane Chamakh more than ever in his short time with us. We may not necessarily need him to score, but his link-up play and threat from set pieces will be vital, particularly against this opposition. The hope is that his presence opens up some room for Cesc Fabregas and Andrei Arshavin to operate – if they have time, they should be able to cause the Trotters’ backup keeper a few problems. Defense will also be an issue without TV5 – we will have the all-French back four of Gael Clichy-Sebastien Squillaci-Laurent Koscielny-Bacary Sagna, who have of course never played together as a unit. Koscielny in particular will need to replicate his second-half performance against Blackburn, where he coped admirably with the aerial bombardment and physicality of their forwards. What we don’t need is a rerun of their goal, where the odious El-Hadji Diouf brushed him aside with imperious ease. Besides, Clichy has been so bad on the defensive end lately (shit, he was even at fault for Belarus’ winner against his France side) that Koscielny may have to bail him out at least once.

As for Squillaci, he should be fine. He’s in the prime age for a defender, he has international experience and he comes to us from a big club. Sure, the Premier League is quicker and more physical than La Liga, but there’s a difference between some 20-year old kid and a guy who’s faced off against Madrid and Cuntalona.

The only other question our end (since I’m assuming we’re playing some variation of 4-2-3-1) is whether Jack Wilshere or Abou Diaby will be the other holding midfielder alongside Alex Song. Each has its upsides and downsides. Wilshere has shown far more willingness to get stuck in and he has the sort of attitude you want for that position, but he was also badly at fault for Liverpool’s goal in the season opener with a terrible giveaway. He’s still young and prone to mistakes. Still, he’s probably preferable given the lazy, ambling style that Diaby brings. He isn’t bad going forward at times, but Arsene may opt to put him in the holding role anyway due to his greater experience (and the fact that Wilshere is capable of magic from time to time).

For the northern monkeys, they are a slightly different prospect from Blackburn. When their Plan A of aerial bombardment didn’t work, the only Plan B they had was bringing even bigger lads up front in the person of central defender Christopher Samba. With Bolton, they do have a few guys who can play a little, most notably American attacking midfielder Stuart Holden. We’ll have to make sure that he doesn’t get too many chances to get space and hit diagonal through-balls to Kevin Davies or Johan Elmander.

More worrying, of course, is those two on set pieces. Without TV5, there isn’t a whole lot of height in our central defense pairing, and I can see them getting a goal or two that way if we’re not careful. The rest of their team pretty much picks itself, with Fabrice Muamba in the holding role flanked by Martin Petrov and Lee Chung-Yong. Their central defense pairing of Gary Cahill and Zat Knight is decent-to-good, so I imagine that width will be of utmost importance. The fullbacks (Gretar Steinsson and Paul Robinson) are beatable, so hopefully that will help pull the CBs out more, leaving some gaps for us to exploit.

Bolton are a decent team, especially compared to much of the dross at the bottom of the table. That said, we’re at home, and they have a 19-year old in goal. If we don’t win this game, we’ll have no one to blame but ourselves. I’ll say 3-2 to the good guys.

Blackburn Rovers 1-2 Arsenal

If you speak in terms of serious rivals to Arsenal, the usual suspects come to mind – United, Sperz, Chelski, those Catalan fucks. However, I’m not sure that there is more of a pantomime villain for us than anyone currently managed by Sam Allardyce. We all remember our travails oop norf first when he was at Bolton, and now with Blackburn. His sides play the 180-degree antithesis of Arsenal football, which is to say the equivalent of the way John Ruiz boxes. It’s one thing to be physical, it’s one thing to be direct – but the fact of the matter is that their constant technical fouling is about all they bring to the table.

Before the match, the constant refrain of “Arsenal don’t like it up ‘em” reverberated from every corner of the land – well, this isn’t your older brother’s Arsenal, sunshine.

Actually, the match was determined to go off script straight from the opening whistle. The normal flow of these games is that Arsenal cuts into them early, gives up a stupid goal around 30 minutes in, and then can’t quite get the equalizer/winner that they need. This time, Blackburn went off to a bright start, worrying the Arsenal backline with the usual aerial bombardment (including Morten Gamst Pedersen reprising the role of Rory Delap with long throws into the area). To the Gunners’ credit though, they dealt with the physicality far better than they have in the recent past. Some of that is the addition of Laurent Koscielny (who other than one mistake which led to the goal had a fantastic match), and some was Manuel Almunia’s improved catching, punching and positioning. There was one moment where the loathsome little troll El-Hadji Diouf tried to intimidate him with some verbals after a play, and our Manny got nose-to-nose with him and told him off. Seriously, that filled my heart with joy. We know he’s never going to be Jens Lehmann (for a multitude of reasons), but standing up for himself perhaps belies a certain increase in confidence? We can only hope, given the rapidly-closing transfer window.

Anyway, for once, it was us sucker-punching the other mob off a counter. Before he went off crocked yet again, Robin van Persie did slip a wonderful through-ball to the onrushing Theo Walcott. He made no mistake, utilizing his beloved across-the-keeper’s-body daisycutter in the far corner to give Arsenal the lead on 20′. If you had asked me right then, I would have predicted a rout…that kind of goal is a sickener to give up when you’re dominating play, especially if you’re the underdog.

But, to the grudging credit of the home side, they took advantage of the aforementioned mistake from Koscielny to get the equalizer. Bacary Sagna gave it away in midfield, and all of a sudden there were acres to work with down the right wing. El-Hadji Diouf brushed aside the challenge of Koscielny far too easily, cut inside to draw out Almunia, and threaded a slide-rule pass across the face of goal to Mame Biram Diouf. The on-loan United man had the simplest of tap-ins as Thomas Vermaelen had missed his interception. It was amazingly frustrating to see the Gunners concede so poorly after having defended so well early on. Still, at least they got back into the game rather than fold in the manner of some of their predecessors.

I still insist that releasing William Gallas was the best possible thing Arsene Wenger could do to improve the defense.

Anyway, we had some half-chances but nothing to write home about until after the interval. Six minutes after the restart, Arsenal were ahead once again. It was a bit of a scrappy old thing, but isn’t that the kind of goal that we get so much stick for never scoring? Anyway, a powerful shot from Cesc Fabregas just outside the area hit Walcott in the back. It bounced nicely into the path of Andrei Arshavin – who had been largely anonymous up to that point. Again. Anyway, the little Russian timed Paul Robinson’s run out perfectly, and slotted it underneath the diving keeper’s body and past the despairing slide of – erm, Christopher Samba, I believe.

It was another hammer blow for Blackburn, but they stuck with it and did create some havoc at times in our area. However, the defense held, even when the awful Nikola Kalinic came off and the strike pairing became the giant pairing of Samba and Stephen N’Zonzi. The final whistle went, and Arsenal leave the dirty north with three fantastic points.

It’s early days yet, and there are some worrying things (RVP’s injury, Arshavin’s form), but this is the best start that Arsenal have had in ages. I don’t know about any of you, but I’m starting to talk myself into this team winning something this season.

Blackpool Match Report

As it turns out, I correctly predicted the 6-0 scoreline for last Saturday’s ritual sacrifice of the poor Tangerines. However, it should in fairness be mentioned that this doesn’t really tell us anything about where Arsenal is this season. To be blunt about it, Blackpool has no business being in this division whatsoever – compound that with a horrifically-bad goalkeeper and a deserved red card in the first half, and 6-0 is probably the least that we could expect from this.

Don’t get me wrong – it was wonderful to see Arsenal FINALLY finish off a game like this and leave their boots firmly on the throats of their opposition. All I’m saying is that this easily could have been 1-0 or 2-0 on another day.

You’ll read in the various other match reports that Blackpool keeper Matthew Gilks had a solid game, with several fine stops preventing the scoreline from becoming worse than it was. Well, yes and no. There were a few decent saves in there, but most of them were of the variety that you’d expect any Premier League goalkeeper to make, and there were a few instances where Arsenal’s finishing let them down. Look, this is a guy who spent most of his career so far at Rochdale in the Third Division. Norwich bought him and never played him, and he moved on to Blackpool…where he sat on the bench until an injury to Paul Rabchuka thrust him into the breach. In other words, he has 176 games of fourth-tier football and 31 at the second tier before this season. If Ian Holloway is smart, he’ll get someone in on loan ASAP to cover the position.

Anyway, Theo Walcott opened the scoring at 12′ with a beautiful cut inside and a rolled finish into the bottom corner. Gilks probably wasn’t getting there, but kicking a leg out instead of diving doesn’t speak well of his instincts or reflexes.

Things went from bad to worse for the newly-promoted side when Ian Evatt received his marching orders for a professional foul on Marouane Chamakh. Whatever you think of the placement of the foul – inside the area or out – it was a gorgeous feed from Tomas Rosicky over the top, and Chamakh’s directness and strength forced Evatt into the mistake. It was a red card either way, but the ref gave the penalty as well…which Arshavin hammered into the bottom corner past Gilks (who to his credit did dive the right way) at 32′ to double the lead.

It isn’t like Blackpool offered much before the sending-off – only Gary Taylor-Fletcher’s shocking miss off of a wide-open header (though in fairness, Manuel Almunia might have had it covered unless it was a perfect hit into the upper 90) threatened the Arsenal goal – but the red card ended their active participation in the match. Poor old Marlon Harewood plowed a lone furrow up top with no service, as Arsenal ran riot in the midfield. Jack Wilshere and the aforementioned Rosicky particularly impressed with their vision and running, while Andrei Arshavin did offer some penetration and attacking runs.

Walcott’s second tally of the day at 39′ was arguably the best of the lot. For whatever that raging douchenozzle Alan Hansen might have to say about his football intelligence, his turn-and-shot after a nice pass from Wilshere showed the admittedly-nascent instincts of a finisher. Just as we shouldn’t get carried away on the basis of his hat trick in this game, I would hope that Gooners give him a break if he goes a game or two without scoring given the fact that he is still just 21.

Anyway, that took us to the half, and you would figure that the visitors would take the opportunity to regroup and perhaps bunker a little to keep the score down. If anything, they may have been worse defensively after the restart…you can forgive them a lapse or two in the immediate minutes after going down to 10 men, but with 15 minutes to think about it? Come on, now. At 49′, Bacary Sagna skipped down the wing and easily evaded the clumsy slide-tackle of his marker…which took him completely out of the play, mind.  Given time and room to roam, he crossed magnificently for the on-rushing Abou Diaby, who volleyed past Gilks to make it 4-0. Seeing the replay on the Review Show last night though, it looked like Gilks perhaps should have done better on it.

Arsenal continued to attack in waves, with Blackpool left back Stephen Crainey probably wishing he was back in the hoops of Celtic where he began his career. Walcott completed his well-deserved hat trick on 58′ when he collected from Diaby, stormed past Crainey again, and curled a beauty into the far corner (not to pile on, but Gilks didn’t so much as dive for that one). About ten minutes later, he came off for a standing ovation that must have been a godsend to him after taking so much stick in the last year or so.

Speaking of the substitutions, how much did it have to suck to be on Blackpool at that moment in time? Down 5-0 with 10 men and half an hour to go, and your 3-goal tormentor (and the solid-on-this-day Diaby) finally departs…only for Cesc Fabregas and Robin van Persie to come on? Is there ever a point where Blackpool will know their true standing in the order of things more than that very moment? It should be said that both looked a bit off the pace and the Gunners’ offensive thrusts were not quite as dangerous afterwards, but it was good to get them some minutes in a no-pressure situation against a team that, for whatever else you can say about them, were sportsmen and not out there trying to break legs.

Chamakh looked to have opened his account somewhere in the 70th or 75th minute when a cross from van Persie saw him all alone about 4-5 yards out, but he ended up blazing over the crossbar when it would have been easier to score. The frustration was obviously mounting, so it was nice that another gift from Gilks came at the 83′ mark. Off a nice in-swinging corner from van Persie (yes, we actually did score off of a set piece…it’s true!), Chamakh got a solid, thumping downward header on it. It was a good hit, but any Premier League keeper probably should have kept it out. Instead, Gilks displayed the reaction time of a methed-out sloth and saw the ball slip through his arms, under his body and in. It’s nice for our boy to get the goal, but he surely won’t get an easier one this season.

Actually, that’s about all you can say for the whole match, in the end. It was a nice, easy run-out in the sun, against an opponent who rarely pressed, refused to bunker (and probably couldn’t get that right if they did) and couldn’t depend on their keeper to keep it close. Arsenal will not have an easier game all season, and the contrast between Blackpool at home and Blackburn away could not be starker. If the lads go oop norf and come back with a result, that will be something. In the meantime, you can only play who is in front of you, so job done and see you Visigoths come the weekend.

Up the Arse!

Preview – Arsenal v. Blackpool

As far as home openers go, this is (should?) be as easy as it gets. No offense to Blackpool, but a side that finished 6th place in the first division last season coming to Ashburton Grove should expect to lose heavily. In fact, straight after their 4-0 win away at Wigan in their maiden Premier League fixture, their gaffer Ian Holloway said as much.

This should be a rogering of epic proportions, but you just never know with this team sometimes.

For one thing, Blackpool are not all that good. Beating Wigan was a nice moment for everyone involved with the Tangerines, but take away the two comedy goals conceded by Wigan keeper Chris Kirkland, and give the Latics strikers a bit more luck with some of their chances, and that result could have been very different. Give them credit for being opportunistic and making no mistake when given a gift, but even our defense isn’t as bad as Wigan’s. Kirkland also makes Manuel Almunia look like Lev Yashin. I mean, this is an opponent whose big idea will be playing Marlon Harewood alone up top and hoping that he can bother Tommy Vermalaen. Yeah, good luck with that one, lads.

Then again, we are Arsenal which means the injury bug has hit hard again. Samir Nasri is now out for a few weeks after a minor knee surgery (made of fucking porcelain, that one), and of course Laurent Koscielny is suspended because last week’s referee was a twat. I believe Johan Djourou is still out, as is the rest of the usual suspects. So, who plays then?

Almunia has to continue in goal give Arsene Wenger’s failure to land Shay Given or Mark Schwarzer in the transfer market. Gael Clichy and Bacary Sagna should man the fullback slots, though Kieran Gibbs may get a look in at left back. TV5 will play, and hopefully Alex Song will be recovered from injury enough to play. Should he not, or if he is preferred in his natural DM position, this is one fixture that I wouldn’t mind young Havard Nordveidt getting a game in. There’s always the worry of miscommunication or some kind of monumental fuck-up…if so, let’s hope it’s after we’re 4-0 up, eh?

The midfield almost picks itself right now. Song or Abou Diaby (please, Song…please please PLEASE let it be Song) and Cesc Fabregas in the center will likely be flanked by Emmanuel Eboue and Andrei Arshavin. Then again, the boss may want to use the occasion of playing this lot to try and build Theo Walcott’s confidence back up, which is the reason why I don’t advocate Andrei being benched. The Russian looked listless and disinterested in the Liverpool match, which is a worrying sign.

The rest depends on the formation. If we go with a 4-5-1 (not sure why given the opposition), it will probably be Marouane Chamakh up top with Tomas Rosicky in the midfield. Preferably, Rosicky will start on the bench, and Robin van Persie will join the Moroccan in the attack.

Either way, despite our injury problems I would say this one will finish 6-0 to the good guys.

COME ON, ARSENAL!

Bolton Wanderers vs. Fulham: Minute-by-minute

So, this is a game that will be very interesting seeing as how Fulham are now without their best asset. This was a team that was very much a product of Hodgson’s system, so I wonder how exactly they will do in the absence of said system. Mark Schwarzer is not in the team, but Pascal Zuberbuhler isn’t in either…it’s some kid named David Stockdale. Meanwhile, Bolton are Bolton. And we’re off!

FIRST HALF

1 min – With their first kick, Bolton sends a long ball all the way out past the goalline. Yep, they’re still Bolton.

3 min – Zat Knight slides into Zoltan Gera from behind…that was a bit of a reducer, that one. Dangerous free kick for Fulham, Danny Murphy to take. Bobby Zamora goes offside, and the danger passes.

8 min – Nothing is happening.

9 min – Simon Davies sends a searching cross into the box, which is cleared. Damien Duff does likewise, again it’s cleared. A third is collected by Jussi Jaaskelainen. Up the other end, a neat back-flick between Stuart Holden and Johan Elmander leads to a shot that goes just wide of the post.

11 min – Some neat interplay between the Fulham midfield leads to a shot from distance. It doesn’t unduly trouble Jaaskelainen’s net.

14 min – Kevin Davies hits a lovely chipped pass to Martin Petrov, but John Pantsil does well to defend in the penalty area. It results in a corner, but Stockdale collects.

17 min – Paul Robinson is pushed from behind by Murphy, leading to a free kick 35 yards or so out on the right. The defense deals with it easily, however.

18 min – Petrov collects a loose ball outside of the area and hits a nice left-footed shot. It’s rising, but it’s at a comfortable height and Stockdale dives and catches with little fuss. Nice catch, but one you’d expect him to make.

21 min - Out of nothing, Zamora spots Jaaskelainen off his line from about 40 yards out, and his chip goes just inches over the crossbar. More than a little ambitious, but he almost pulls it off. Nice effort.

25 min - A long punt from Jaaskelainen goes into the opposing area. Stockdale goes to catch, and is barged off the ball by Kevin Davies. I thought it was a foul, but Stockdale collects on the second attempt before Elmander can poke it in.

28 min – Murphy barges ahead on the counter, and lays it off to Duff. His cross is good, but the Bolton defense holds. The corner comes to nothing.

30 min – I guess Holden is learning the Bolton way…he scythes down Duff on the right touchline. He doesn’t get a card, but it’s another set-piece for the visitors. It’s headed away and out for a corner. Gera gets a glancing header, but it’s miles over the bar.

34 min – Elmander picks the pocket of Dickson Etuhu (who was risibly not paying attention) and takes a quick shot, but it’s right into the grateful arms of Stockdale. That needed a better shot.

37 min - If nothing else, Stockdale is proving to be calm and capable when it comes time to make a decision. Lee Chung-Yong sends a swerving ball into the top of the area, but Stockdale is out quickly to snuff out the danger. Good goalkeeping from the kid.

40 min - Fabrice Muamba gets the first yellow card for a tackle from behind as Simon Davies was trying to clear the ball out from defense. Needless booking from the Bolton midfielder.

44 min - Jaaskelainen drops a back-header from Robinson in an obvious bit of miscommunication, leading to some words between the two. Luckily for Bolton, it’s recovered on the second attempt. I have a feeling that was Jaaskelainen’s fault more for coming off his line than anything else, though it could have been Robinson ignoring the keeper’s call.

45 min - And, there’s the half. It’s not Spain vs. Brazil out there, but it’s been a reasonably entertaining match between two evenly-matched sides.

SECOND HALF

47 min – Holden takes a lash from 35-40 yards out. Well, it’d be a point in hurling.

48 min – Stockdale makes a great save! Holden’s run down the wing comes in to Elmander, who’s turn and shot was brilliant. Stockdale leaps high to fist it over the bar. They may not miss Mark Schwarzer at all if this keeps up.

52 min – Bit of a scare for Aaron Hughes, who gives the ball away. Muamba is correctly flagged for a shirt-pull, though.

56 min - Lee dribbles into the penalty area and goes down under the Fulham challenge. On the replay, the Korean midfielder was already in the air before Murphy’s challenge…Stuart Atwell (who has had a great game, to be fair) correctly rules that it was not a penalty. I would have got that one wrong…Lee absolutely had me fooled.

58 min – Gera connects on a bicycle kick in the area, but Gary Cahill bravely blocks. Bolton clear from the corner, but it’s increasingly looking like there will be a goal in this one.

61 min – Atwell correctly plays advantage after Holden wins the ball in the middle of the park. It comes to Elmander outside the area, who does very well with an inside-out move to completely skin Brede Hangeland. Stockdale comes off his line perfectly to cut down the angle, and bravely blocks at Elamander’s feet. Off the corner, Stockdale clears with a Superman punch. This kid is having a stormer of a game.

67 min - Hangeland (who is having something of a shocker) fails at a basic back pass, and Elmander almost gets on the end of it. Stockdale was sharp though and came out to clear. Does anyone dispute that this kid is Man of the Match?

69 min – Bolton get another dangerous free kick, and Stockdale is out to firmly punch again. Maybe Arsenal is getting the wrong Fulham keeper?

71 min – Zamora is booked for grabbing Atwell’s shirt in complaint of something or other. What a fucking maroon. Meanwhile, this game has reached a lull after a fairly eventful second half so far. Not much is going on now.

73 min – The Zamora Follies continue, as he collects the ball just outside the area and shanks a ball far wide of the post with his left foot. Clint Dempsey is about to come on, as well he should.

74 min – Simon Davies and Gera work a nice passing move down the left, but Gera ends up offside. Gera is off for Dempsey.

77 min - Pantsil gets a yellow for hacking down Kevin Davies. While I support that in general, that probably wasn’t necessary for his team.

78 min - Off a throw-in, Robinson and Holden work a give-and-go. Holden has a yard of space just outside the area, but his shot hits the outside of the post and away to safety.

79 min – Dempsey gets the ball outside the area off a counter-attack, and his bad-angle shot from just outside 6-yard box is fisted away by the diving Jaaskelanien. Fulham are slowly working their way back into this after Bolton has been on the front foot for the last 10-15 minutes.

84 min – Fulham have looked a lot more dangerous since Dempsey has come on, but neither team has been able to fashion any chances. There’s been some general probing around the edge of both penalty areas, but nothing in the way of any serious goalmouth threat. I said before that there was a goal in this one, but now 0-0 is the most likely scoreline.

85 min – Bolton are about to make changes. Matthew “not the legbreaking cunt that used to play for Birmingham” Taylor and Ivan Klasnic are coming on. Why make changes this late? What possible impact can a guy make in 5 minutes?

86 min – Here come the substitutions: Petrov is off for Taylor, Muamba is off for Mark Davies. Klasnic was prevented from coming on by the 4th official.

88 min – Fulham pings the ball around in and around the Bolton area. First, Dempsey’s weak shot is blocked, then Etuhu’s weird ballooned flick is headed out by the Wanderers’ defense. Off the corner, Zamora’s far post flick-on is headed on by Hughes, but it’s an easy take for Jaaskelainen.

90 min – Here comes the last Bolton change – Elmander is off for Klasnic. They sure are giving Klasnic time to make an impact, aren’t they? Up the other end, Simon Davies finds Zamora in the area, but Robinson brilliantly snuffs out the danger with a flying tackle. The corner poses no danger.

90+3 min – Pantsil commits a foul outside of his area over by the left sideline. This could be the last chance. Hughes clears Taylor’s free kick, there’s some head tennis, and there’s the final whistle. This wasn’t the best game you’ll ever see, but it was a decent effort from both sides and it featured some great goalkeeping from Man of the Match Stockdale.

Jääskeläinen

Aston Villa v. West Ham – minute-by-minute

I will be binging on football all day…the Chelsea fucks won’t get one of these, but I plan on doing a minute-by-minute on the other two FSC matches. We begin with Aston Villa vs. West Ham. FSC gets off on a great foot by missing the first 33 seconds of the game. Awesome.

FIRST HALF

2 min – Villa begin with 4 corners…and Robert Green gets off to a FSC-like start by poorly punching the 3rd and flapping and missing for the 4th. Luckily for him, Richard Dunne’s header goes over the bar.

5 min – John Carew is wide open (with 3 Hammers standing around him doing nothing) for a free header, but boofs it over the bar. Great cross from Stewart Downing, but what were the West Ham defense doing?

8 min – Marc Albrighton makes a fine maurading run down the right. The cross comes in, Herita Illunga deflects it into the arms of Green, who drops it! Oh, dear. He collects on the second attempt, but man does he look shaky. West Ham are on their heels here…it’s all Villa and they have another corner! Carew heads over yet again, albeit under far more pressure this time.

10 min Radoslav Kovac and Carlton Cole get West Ham into the attacking areas, but it comes to nothing. Down the other end, it’s all happening now! Scott Parker back-passes to James Tomkins, whose ridiculously casual square ball is picked off by Carew. Carew is off to the races (relatively-speaking, anyway), but Green comes ot the edge of the area and just about manages to get a trailing leg onto his shot. It comes back off Tomkins, and hits the post! West Ham briefly clear, but then Winston Reid concedes a cheap free kick right outside the area! There’s a couple of Hammers having absolute shockers at the moment…Villa could be 3-0 up.

11 min - Downing hits the free kick right into the wall. Terrible.

12 min – This is better from Tomkins, as he checks Albrightson’s run down the right wing and manages to win the goal kick off of him. Meanwhile, the possession stat comes up as 63-37 for Villa so far…not a surprise.

15 min - GOAL! – This was coming. Parker conceded possession cheaply in the middle of the park a minute before, leading to a Villa attack. This time, Luis Boa Morte’s long, lazy pass in the center is easily picked off by Villa and away they go. Ashley Young skinned Reid down the left wing, and whipped in a cross. It gets to Green, who punches when he should have caught. It comes right to Albrighton, whose shot is palmed away nicely by Green. Unfortunately for him it comes right to the completely unmarked Downing, who turns it into the empty net! West Ham are a shambles from back to front.

17 min - On the replay, it looked like Downing may have been offside, but the goal was the least that Villa have deserved based on this dominance.

18 min – ANOTHER unforced turnover from West Ham sends the Villains away again. Albrighton and Luke Young wreak havoc down the right, but it bobbles harmlessly to Green in the end. Or, it was harmless, until Green shanked his clearance into touch. The Hammers are abysmal.

19 min – This is becoming a farce. West Ham actually keep the ball for more than a few milliseconds, but a backpass comes to Kovac, who promptly misses his flick-on to Illunga and it bounces out of play. This is the worst 20 minutes I have seen from a Premier League team in quite some time.

21 min – Brilliant save from Green! That will do wonders for his confidence. It started from a long goal kick from Brad Freidel, which was flicked on by Carew. It came to Ashley Young, who saw Green off his line and hit a gorgeous chip over him on the full run. Green backpedaled and hooked it over the crossbar. Villa get 3 straight corners afterwards, but can’t do much with them.

25 min – Villa have a penalty shout turned down, and frankly I think Mike Dean got it wrong (how unusual). Freidel throws out to Downing, who hits Ashley Young in stride. Young plays the give-and-go with a beautiful flick on, and Downing is away. He finds James Milner in the area, but Reid bundles him over. That’s a penalty for me. Right down the other end, West Ham finally get a chance as Cole collects Illunga’s long pass and turns Dunne inside-out down the left wing. He takes himself out too wide doing so though, and hooks his bad-angle shot wide. That’s better from the Londoners though.

30 min – Villa have won their TENTH corner kick. Albrightson hooks a cross from the right, which Green palmed away even though he probably could have let it go out for a goal kick. The corner comes to nothing though.

35 min - Another corner for Villa comes into Carew, whose flicking header goes just a bit wide of the post. With a little luck, this could be 5-0 to the Midlands side.

40 min – GOAL! – Villa get their second, after a lull of a few minutes. Ashley Young, having switched wings, scampers down the right and wins a throw. It eventually comes to Albrighton, who lays off to Ashley Young. Young’s brilliant cross finds the run of Stilyan Petrov, who eluded his marker Julien Faubert and easily nodded home past the stranded Green. West Ham are a shambles.

41 min – Right from the kickoff, West Ham ping it around and work their way up the field. A 50-50 challenge bobbles out to Faubert on the right, who alertly finds Boa Morte in acres in the left-hand channel. His defender is a good 3-4 yards away, but Boa Morte hesitates long enough to allow the defense to recover, and his rushed shot is smartly saved by Freidel. That could have been a way back for West Ham, but indecision killed them.

45+3 min - There’s the halftime whistle, and that will be a godsend for the Hammers. They have been disjointed at best and abject at worst during this half, and it is no surprise that Villa have eviscerated them in the manner that they did. Credit to the home side, though…they could have folded in the wake of their manager abandoning them just 5 days before the season, but so far they have rallied and put together an impressive performance. They have been relentless down the wings with Young and the lively Albrightson (he looks a player, this kid), and the West Ham fullbacks have had no answer. I don’t know if Villa can keep this up for 90 minutes, but they can almost afford to sit back for short periods now with a 2-goal lead. What can Avram Grant do at halftime to get his team back in it?
SECOND HALF
46 min - We have West Ham substitutions: Pablo Barrera and Frederic Piquionne are on, Boa Morte and Kovac are off.

48 min - Villa win a free kick, Downing takes it. It hit the top of the crossbar, but it wasn’t as close on the replay as it looked in real time – it was always going over the bar. Back the other end, Ciaran Clark scrambles it away after Stephen Warnock gave it away in the defensive end. Villa’s kids have been fantastic so far.

51 min - Petrov gets the first yellow of the match for a fairly innocuous challenge. Dean stikes again. Meanwhile, it is LASHING down now.

53 min – The weather is playing havoc a bit with both teams…the passing especially from Villa is no longer coming off. Piquionne is fouled, but the free kick comes to nothing. A few seconds later, Illunga hits a fantastic cross-field ball to the onrushing Tomkins. Warnock is well-beaten to it, but Tomkins volleys high and wide.

55 min - SHOCKING MISS FROM FAUBERT! Parker finds Piquionne, who taps it to Cole. Cole taps it to Faubert in ACRES in the penalty area. Dunne was nowhere, but Faubert hooks it wide. Terrible, terrible miss.

59 min – Milner connects with Young on a long ball. Young is 1-v-2 in the area, and Matthew Upson does well to shield him off the ball and eventually win a free kick. There’s another goal coming in this one though…I guarantee it.

61 min – Tomkins is booked for a silly foul on Ashley Young in the middle of the park.

62 min - Faubert comes in late on Clark, and is rightly booked. That was vicious.

63 min – It’s almost 3-0 as Albrighton and Carew work a ball out to Downing on the far post. Illunga makes a dogged sliding block to clear the danger.

66 min – GOAL - Wonderful work from Villa. Albrighton tears down the left, skins Tomkins, beats Reid, and pulls it back into the top of the penalty area for Milner, who THUNDERS it past Green into the lower-right hand corner. That has to be it for West Ham now.

69 min – Albrighton – that man again – is about to dance around Illunga before the defender takes him down cynically. Off the free kick, it’s taken quickly and takes everyone by surprise. Green is nowhere near it, but it hits the crossbar and bounces out.

72 min – Villa are taking the piss now with ball tricks, back-flicks, and “Oles” from the crowd. Piquionne wins a corner, and in the meantime, Tomkins is off for Alessandro Diamanti. His first contribution is to concede a free kick for a push in the back.

76 min – Shocking miss from Carew. Petrov’s cross finds Carew all alone in the center of the penalty area, but his header goes off on a right angle and almost out for a throw-in. There seriously wasn’t a defender in the picture on the replay…how was he that open? How did he miss that badly?

78 min – What the holy hell just happened there? Just before, another darting run by Albrighton was barely fended off by the Hammers defense. Next, Downing’s cross was only half-cleared. It came back out to Milner, who found Carew with his back to goal in the middle of the area. He was outrageously fouled, with Reid holding his shirt the whole time. His turn and shot found the post, it went along the goal line, and Young stabs it into the side netting from the back post. Still, how was that not a penalty?

82 min – Carew is wrestled down again, again no penalty. Downing found him again, but I suspect this may have something to do with Carew yapping at Dean all through the first half.

84 min - Parker skies one over the bar. Milner comes off for Nigel Reo-Coker. At this point, there’s nothing to see here.

86 min - Andreas Weimann comes on for his debut in place of Ashley Young. Diamanti wins a corner, but the Villa defense easily clears.

88 min – Barrera gets his first shot in the Premier League. It’s not a good one.

89 min – Albrightson gets his ovation, coming off for Barry Bannan.

90 min - Sadly for West Ham, there is 3 more minutes of this.

90+3 min – Mark Noble shoots from well out, and it goes a little bit wide. That’s the last kick of the game, as Dean blows up after the goal kick. West Ham will want to forget this one, and quickly. You don’t ever want to extrapolate one performance to a whole season, but they’ll have a relegation dogfight on their hands if they don’t find more cohesion and defensive nous in short order. That was a godawful performance from the Hammers, and they probably made Aston Villa look better than they actually are. To their credit though, the Villains took full advantage of West Ham’s ineptitude and administered the sound thrashing it deserved. The only downside for them is that the scoreline should have been far worse for the Londoners than it was.

Anyway, Bolton v. Fulham is next…

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED

Never mind the lack of a goalkeeper or defensive depth…there are worse portents afoot.

Kevin McCarra from the Guardian (who I believe to be a raving moron) has tipped us to win the league.

Shit.

2010-2011 Season Preview: The Forwards

Despite the defensive prowess of TV5, Marouane Chamakh has the potential to be the best signing that Le Boss has made in years. Perhaps that judgment may be a tad bit rushed, but I honestly believe it.

Now that I have your attention, forward is – as usual – the position where Arsenal have the best array of options. I’ll get back to the FNG in a bit (for those not familiar with the term, it’s short for “fuckin’ new guy”), but we have to start with Robin van Persie. When fit (and there’s the rub), he’s the best attacking option we have and one of the few truly world-class players on the roster. At 27 years of age, he is reaching the peak years of a striker… so while he’s never topped 20 goals in a season (in all competitions), this may be the season where he hits the heights of 30-35.

Again, that all depends on his fitness levels. We all know how injury-prone he is – his league games-played numbers for Arsenal (starting last season and moving backwards) are: 14, 24, 13, 17, 13, 12. It isn’t exactly cause for celebration or optimism as far as what that number will be this season. Still, if just for once we can get 30 league matches out of him, there is no reason why he can’t hit the 30-goal number I mentioned above.Two seasons ago when he played 24, he scored 11 that season – not a bad return, but he is much-improved since those days.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like he will be playing in the Liverpool game on Sunday. It’s too bad, because as short of options as we are on the backline and in goal, it would be nice to have that extra weapon for them to fear. Either way, RvP is going to be a crucial piece of any success Arsenal achieve.

And so, I believe, will Chamakh. I’ve mentioned before that basing any judgments off of preseason games is a dicey proposition, and I still believe that. However, that is more with regards to form – when a player’s abilities cause his teammates to play differently (in a way we as fans have been screaming at them to play for years), it’s the sort of thing that has a much higher chance of correlating to the sharp end of the season.

With the Moroccan leading the line, Arsenal have been much more direct in their play during the preseason. The tippy-tappy stuff hasn’t entirely left (nor should it), but Chamakh gives Arsenal a Plan B in case the other mob is playing 10 center halves and shutting up shop. He seems strong enough to compete on equal footing with behemoth English center-halves, he’s a good header of the ball and perhaps will make us a bit more dangerous on set pieces. That directness and aerial ability has been sorely lacking from Arsenal’s game for ages, and frankly it’s nice to have it back.

It isn’t as nice, perhaps, for Nicklas Bendtner. Originally brought in as the man to do the job that Chamakh is doing now, he may find his opportunities limited except in squad-rotation situations. Last term was something of a breakout season for him, with 12 goals in all competitions (keep in mind he only played 19 games). It’s an even more astonishing number when you think about how often he was played out of position on the wing – the image of the lanky Dane crossing to the midget Arshavin in the center still makes me want to powerbomb babies a year later.

That said, his attitude has been questionable at best during his Arsenal tenure, and that’s discounting the infamous nightclub incident. While it’s great for a striker to have confidence, his performances on the pitch haven’t always warranted it. What the numbers above don’t tell you is the sheer number of sitters that he missed during the season. While every striker is guilty of that from time to time, Nicky’s misses were legion – and they were often costly. However, with his place in the team under serious threat from Chamakh, we can only hope that Bendtner redoubles his efforts and gives the spiky-haired man a serious fight.

While I’m reasonably confident that Bendtner can contribute – even in a reduced role – I’m less willing to believe in Carlos Vela. Fantastic for his country, always good for 1 or 2 ridiculous goals a season (usually in the League Cup, but still), he has never been able to translate his obvious gifts into a proper Premier League strike-rate. He’s still only 21, and what I said about Theo Walcott in the midfielders preview still stands. However, when you discount League Cup performances, Carlos has provided 3 goals and 1 assist in 42 appearances. Frankly, that’s not good enough for Arsenal.

Still, considering that Arsenal mainly plays with 1 target striker with 2 outside wingers pushing up, having RvP, Chamakh and Bendtner to choose from is surely sufficient for our purposes. There is flexibility also for a 4-4-2 with RvP playing deeper behind one of the latter two.

In other words, Arsenal has 99 problems but a striker ain’t one.

What is going on out there?

The season preview for our strikers will be done today or tomorrow, as well as a preview of the Liverpool match. In the meantime, what the holy hell is going on with all of these abrupt managerial departures?

The Ian Holloway one thankfully turned out to be false. While I imagine that he’ll be sacked in January in a Derby-style move where a club lucky to be there in the first place gets desperate to stay in the division (despite having no chance to do so), it would be a shame to be deprived of his humor until then. Martin O’ Neill leaving was somewhat of a surprise, though you get the feeling that Villa have peaked. It may be something beyond cynical, but leaving now will likely be the best thing for his career in the long run.

Steve Coppell is another matter entirely, though. The Fiver referenced an interview he did back in 2007, and it makes sense in that context. His intelligence and insight into the game cannot be questioned, but the thickness of his skin absolutely can. In the season where Reading went down, he wore a permanent shroud of gloom in his features and demeanor – like someone watching a relative drown without being able to actively help. I don’t feel sorry for many opposing managers – the simple truth is that I have no time for the majority. I was rooting for Coppell the whole way though, even though it was always going to be in vain.

Like the Fiver, I agree that if the authorities in England possessed anything above the brain stem, they would get this guy into some official capacity for the game’s development once he had some time to get his head together. But, we all know the likelihood of that, yeah?

Random thought

As most of you know, Arsenal had a 23M bid turned down for Pepe Reina last week. My question is this: If we were going to put in a cheeky, opportunistic bid on a Merseyside-based keeper, why was it Reina and not Tim Howard?

Think about it – first off, Howard is used to playing behind shaky defenses…both with Everton and with the USA. Second, while Liverpool are on shaky ground financially, there is an impending takeover that looks good AND they were never going to sell Reina in a million years anyway. Since they’re so defensively-minded, if they were truly in dire straits, they would have flogged Fernando Torres off to someone. They could replace him with a cheaper version, try and keep clean sheets, and hope for the best.

Meanwhile, Everton have no money to strengthen their squad AND they just signed Jan Mucha (Slovakia’s # 1, one of the few keepers who had a solid World Cup) this off-season. A 23M bid would have seriously tested their resolve because they have Mucha and they would then be able to afford Landon Donovan and 2-3 other players besides.

I am starting to think that AW really doesn’t want to buy a keeper, and that the Reina bid is entirely in the “See, I tried and it didn’t come off” mold.

Maddening.